Message From the Divine? I Hope So

Over the past two years, I began to realize (I will lose some of you here) that higher beings can communicate with us. A year ago, I began subscribing to a free newsletter that featured messages from what some call ascended masters, others see as angels and some believe to be spirit guides. I liked reading the newsletter before I had to go off and face this cruel world as it was always loving and positive.

In March, I had a huge falling out with some people, one who I loved like a sibling. It left me lost with so many unanswered questions: Why did this happen? What did I do wrong? Why can't I make them understand...you get the drift. I even wrote to the website of this newsletter(no details, just 3 questions). A man wrote back, saying he would see if the channel would answer. As this was months ago, I forgot about it, but go figure: I got a reply. Maybe it is bogus; maybe the Divine has told me some things I needed to hear, but I wanted to share it with you. I imagine there are a lot of us out there who see sudden breakdowns in our relationships. We want to fix them, but we find out that some things either cannot be repaired or they get renewed in their own time, not in ours. It has been a hard lesson for me.

I wish these folks all the best in life. When I am tempted to feel angry and misunderstood, I just remember that I need to let go--I have no control over others, only my bad self and my big mouth. So to whomever sent these words to me, I am truly grateful.

(The questions I sent)

How does one cope when people who you love cannot understand you? They attribute motives to your behavior that just aren't true and nothing you say or do can change their opinion? Why do people see what they want to see instead of seeing what is true?

Susan (Philadelphia, PA)

(The reply)

Truth is relative. We will tell you that truth is truth and universally so, but when you are referring to those who choose to see one thing and you are, for instance displaying another, there is obviously a communication breakdown. You can only create for you. You are responsible for you and your actions only. When you are acting from your love and your intuition, that is all that is necessary. You could simply expect something different from this other person, or you could just remember that what this other person does has nothing to do with you. Some relationships are simply not in your best interest. Some relationships you still have something to learn from. Choose what you want from this one and move towards resolution for you. Use your love as a barometer. Realize that the attachment to this relationship and what this person thinks could be just that, an attachment. Forgive yourself for that which you have created that does not give you joy and wish this other being well. Use your love; you know what to do. You cannot ever change another, you can only change you. Choose, for you already know what to do. We love you and remember you are love. You just have to be reminded from time to time...


Have a safe holiday, folks! Much love--CV

Early Death in Males: What Michael Jackson Teaches Us

"Dying is an art. I do it very well" - Sylvia Plath.

Many of us are reeling from the shock of Michael Jackson's death. The word on the street is that drugs had much to do with it; MJ was surrounded by enablers who gave him what he wanted, not what he needed. Michael was preparing to stage a comeback with the hopes of dancing and touring relentlessly as he did in his 20s and early 30s. Facts are not forthcoming, but it doesn't take a genius to figure that he was possibly relying on substances to help him get back into the shape to endure rigorous dance routines, singing and endless press. History will be kinder to Michael Jackson than daily life treated him. Yet his death brings out a critical question: why do so many men die between their mid 40s and early 50s? How many of those deaths are both sudden and seemingly premature? What can be done to keep these men alive?

It appears that the critical range for men lies between the ages of 44 and 52. If men survive those years, they are more apt to make it into their 70s. Women are less apt to die during those years, but that rate is growing as more females remain in the workforce, juggling career and family responsibilities. Yet their fatality rates pale next to those of middle age men: for every 10 women who die in middle age, 16 men die as well. These aren't encouraging odds.

What's going on? In one article on early male death, evolution was seen as the partial culprit. Randolph Nesse, M.D. and Daniel Kruger, Ph.D complied a study of male mortality in 11 developed countries, including the U.K., Sweden and the United States. Here is part of the article: The problem with men is evolution. To prove their virility, men engage in displays of sexual fitness: risk taking and competitive displays such as combat.... The genetic urge toward risk taking drives men to behaviors that increase their risk of death in two ways: First, men are more likely to die as a result of injuries due to risky behavior. Second, men are more likely to die of diseases brought about by risk-taking behavior such as smoking, drinking, and poor diet.And there's a third way men die more often than women: by suicide.


Another factor is marriage. Happily married men can hope to add 5 years to their life span. However, with our current divorce rate, it can be assumed that many men are not enjoying married life. Divorce is a terrible source of stress, and it gets worse when the ex-wife is ... perhaps less charitable toward her former spouse, even if she feels justified. Many states have divorce laws rigged so that the male pays out big dollars in child support and alimony, leaving them on the verge of poverty. I've even seen ex-wives go after husbands for alimony when no children were involved. As men are less apt to express their thoughts, these emotions churn and wreck havoc on their body.

Men also eat way too much meat; they neglect calming exercises like yoga and Tai Chi, and prefer aggressive sports or the famous couch and chips routine. How many of you know men who eat 3 meals a day with red meat? How many prefer to watch the Eagles instead of playing football themselves? How many come home from a job they hate in order to support a family that makes them feel alienated? What do they do--grab a beer or meditate?

Michael Jackson's death has done more than make me sad; it has pissed me off. It is unfair that he is dead. It is more unfair that men are dying when they have barely gotten a chance to enjoy life. I've seen this far too often. Yes, some men are real jerks; women have to protect themselves against these predators, but many men are just trying to get by like anyone else. I'm sick of seeing men like Michael Jackson die prematurely. I think this should be a wake up call to both men and women: Men--quit bottling up that emotional poison and seek out healthy ways to express your torment. Women: stop expecting your man to be Sir Lancelot and accept him for who he is instead of punishing him because he got voted off the Prince Charming show. Let's show support, not grudges and anger.

My Ears Are Burning!

My apologies for my blogging absense both here and at your blogs. I came down with an ear infection last week that morphed into something quite horrid. I will spare you the gory details, but I'm on two antibiotics and ...well, you don't want to know the rest. I feel pretty sapped when it comes to basic vitality, so bear with me, my buddies. So much is going on in the world--Obama's speech in Cairo, Adam's defeat at American Idol, a new foreclosure every 15 minutes, my cat is turning 1 year old...life just gets so--interesting. I can't wait to participate in it again. Until then, I send all praise to the Bunnylord (sorry, Grant, too tired to link) for blessing me with Fluffykins as I claw my way to health.

Toodles!

Am I Responsible for What They Think?

Am I responsible for the thoughts of others? I don't know. If I did something to hurt them, I am obliged to make amends as best as I can. After that, I don't think there is much I can do.

Why am I writing this? Well, I got an email this morning that dealt with this very topic; it concluded with " you are not responsible for other people's stuff. It's not about you; it's about them and their inner fears."

I know this was intended to make me feel better. But it didn't: it brought home to me that there are people, too many people, who see me as something I am not. My very existence is a threat. I understand the why of it all, but I don't know how to let go of my own concern: am I to blame for this even though I couldn't control the events? Even if I am a catalyst and not the cause, why can't I just say: fuck them?

So much has happened over the past few years--I don't even know what is truth anymore. My whole concept of reality has changed. I cannot trust people who once saw me as a friend; does that also mean that my enemies are my friends in disguise? Why is everything so mixed up?

I'm learning that I have little control over others, including their perceptions. I can plead my innocence or admit my guilt and it makes no difference: they will think what they choose. So I must choose to let go.

Everyone tells me: be grateful--there is so much good in the world. You have a lot to give. Life is such a great thing, and it all just ends so fast. How can I deny that? This is where feelings are deceptive: when I get emails like these, well-intended or not, I just feel like crap. Yet my life is not determined by what I feel, but by what I know and what I choose to do with this information. Or is it? WTF?

People Can Be Pretty Damn Mean

Well, we're all human, so we can only strive for perfection. But why are some people deliberately cruel to others? What's the catch?

I could tell you what prompted this, but it really isn't very interesting. But it reminded me that I live in a world where people choose meanness far too often. I'm not talking about a slip of the tongue, a temper tantrum, a flash of selfishness. There are folks who just like to see others suffer; their day is only complete when someone else has been left miserable by their behavior.

Are we born to be evil? I don't think so--I believe we all have a spark--some call it God, some call it Jiva, some call it Spirit, some call it the I AM--heck, call it Pete for all I care--we are meant to do good in this world. We have a path filled with landmines called choices. Should I make the extra effort and call that friend who is having a hard time? Should I ignore their pain because I honestly don't get it and I can't be bothered? Do they remind me of something I need to forget? Well, screw 'em--I only got this life and darn it: I'm going to do what I want with it and to hell with the rest. A lot of us fall into that pattern, but if we have any decency, we apologize or at least feel some regret when we know we've gone too far.

But there are others--they like to hurt people. It's fun. It gives them a sense of power. These folks map out their day looking for ways to cause pain. Are they so weak inside that their strength comes from external degredation? Has one mastered Assertive Training 101 by humiliating another who means no harm? These predators smell innocence a mile away and do whatever they can to ruin any sense of joy or security; we've all seen them, and some of us have experienced their dirty tricks. God, I'm tired of it.

Me, I'm trying to bring myself to a better place in which I can look in the mirror and say: "Look, inner asshole, you will not win today. I will not harm another. I will not give into my rage. I will not blame someone else for my own pain. I will not judge my neighbor because he can't get his shit together. I don't know the burdens others carry. I will not build false scenarios in my head about what they must be thinking. Other people are not my problem. I am my biggest problem."

I'm so tired of this rotten world, but I'm not giving up. All change must begin with me, not President Obama or some tired cliche. If others choose to remain in darkness, I will light a candle and clutch my way out. If I can bring a few with me, then my life isn't a total waste. But God, today I can really feel the presence of evil all around me. Yes, it is so banal, but it is also lethal. Can't we learn to choose good? Please?

Another Mother's Day

I used to like this holiday. My mother loved all the adoration, but what she really treasured was our appreciation that all 4 of us shared for her. She was a great mom. I admit to conflicts, but she always forgave my insensitivity, and I loved her for her generous heart--not only toward me, but to the world. She volunteered to drive the elderly to various destinations; she worked in homeless kitchens; she gave generously to humanitarian organizations. She was active, extroverted and dramatic, but her greatest gift was her love for people. Anyone who met her felt that they were the most important person in the world to her. She could warm anyone's heart. I never met anyone who disliked my mother.







She's been dead for nine years, and it still feels like it happened last week. She died two days after Mother's Day; I still remember us giving her presents, knowing that we would not have this day with her again. It seemed as though we were at some sacred temple making an offering to the Divine. It is one of my most cherished and heartbreaking memories: I watched my brother hold back his tears as he showed her a fountain he bought her for relaxation--we set it up for her. My sister bought her a CD player along with CDs by a woman named Kate Price--beautiful music that neither of us can bear to hear nowadays. I gave her a music box that played the theme from Romeo and Juliet, etched with drawings of that lovelorn Romeo singing to his beloved Juliet--I still have it in my bedroom, and it will go to my son when I pass on. My other sister just couldn't deal with it and flew home; I've always resented her for that as I found it selfish, but maybe she was just protecting what was left. My mother's death meant that we were no longer whole; we weren't a family. We are now a group of siblings that really don't know what to say to each other anymore.


Today my husband came in to tell me that Mother's Day would be a muted affair, as he has been semi-employed and cannot afford to take me out or buy me gifts. I told him that I didn't care; I didn't expect anything. My greatest gift is watching our son grow into a man, a good man--kind, intelligent, sensitive and tough. I can talk with my son for hours. We read books together. We go to movies. He knows when he has hurt my feelings and he apologizes without any prompting. He is my greatest gift. So who needs presents, and who needs to go into debt with our economy calling all the shots? Hallmark: screw you.

For years after my mother's death, I used Mother's Day as a day to sleep in. I just tuned the whole world out. I didn't want gifts, and I didn't want anyone to remember it. Now I realize that it is important that those who see me as a mother get their chance to show me acceptance. They need those memories. My grief was selfish. I hope I can get through tomorrow, focusing on how much I love to be a mother, instead of remembering the one I lost so suddenly. And I know my mom will be with me, helping me to see grace in the world instead of sadness and decay.

Feeling Lucky, Punk?

Every now and then I choose to depress myself with the latest crime statistics in the United States. Violent crime has allegedly decreased via the national average, yet it is growing in certain cities. Here is the new and improved list of America's most dangerous cities:


1. Detroit, Michigan ( your thoughts, Walking Man?)

2. Memphis, Tennessee

3. Miami, Florida

4. Las Vegas, Nevada

5. Stockton, California

6. Orlando, Florida (that one surprised me)

7. Little Rock, Arkansas (that one shocked me--whoa, isn't that Hucklebee's turf?)

8. Charleston, South Carolina

9. Nashville, Tennessee

10. Baltimore, Maryland ( People of the Sun--any thoughts?)

11. New Orleans, Louisiana

12. Baton Rouge, Louisiana

13. West Palm Beach, Florida (if I lived in Florida, I would be highly pissed)

14. Charlotte, North Carolina

15. Philadelphia, Pennsylvania ( I'm so proud to be in such esteemed company.)

The study examined the frequency of crime per 100,000 inhabitants--for example, Detroit can boast of 1200 violent crimes per 100,000 citizens, even though the overall population is 1, 951, 186. Compare that to Philadelphia, a city flush with 3,880, 695 suckers with a violent crime rate of 709 per 100,000. Then to make it even more interesting, look at Baton Rouge--770,283 inhabitants/728 victims of violent crime. Little Rock is even better--659,776 citizens/831 victims. Wow!

The study defines violent crime as murder, non-negligent manslaughter, forcible rape, robbery and aggravated assault. The majority of these cities have connections to the Mexican drug trade; some of these cities (Las Vegas, Detroit, Philadelphia, Nashville) have also seen a rise in foreclosures along with increasing unemployment. The gang activity in cities like Detroit, Miami, Memphis, Baltimore and Philadelphia has deep ties to the drug cartel, whereas cities like Charlotte and Little Rock are relatively new to organized crime. The population in Florida is growing, while the other cities decrease; Philadelphia loses one out of every 4 college graduate to another city; many of them go to Boston. Baltimore is home to John Hopkins University, but the majority of students are not native to the city, so they do not build roots in the community.


Since I live in Philly, I can't say I was surprised. Most of my friends are either losing their jobs, having salary freezes, or surviving on two to three part time jobs. The housing market is stagnant; many people are barely hanging on to their one home; a great number are those who took out second and third mortgages to invest in real estate or pay off credit debts. My husband's boss hasn't been able to land a contract in 6 weeks, so my husband is now unemployed, scrambling here and there to find odd jobs to keep us in grocery and gas money. My salary remains frozen, but I am grateful to be working.

These statistics make me furious. I know what is going on. We have a subterranean drug economy, booming from necessity to desire. City budgets are stripped to the bone, putting fewer police on the street.The military is enjoying a resurgence in enlistment; no one wants to die in Afghanistan, but unemployment makes people play the lottery or sign up for dumb wars. Here in Philly, the police have learned when to intervene in a crime and when to stay away--North Philadelphia is crime ridden, but police maintain a much lower presence there than in Center City, where there is major retail and tourism. This is another reason people are stockpiling weapons.


As usual, I am appalled to live in a country that cares more about foreign aid to rogue governments than taking care of the citizens who earn that money. I've been a victim of violent crime, and I bet some of you have dealt with similar experiences. It just makes me crazy to think that more people are going to have to suffer the consequences of bad government and human greed.